Bible Truth Foundations
Part 2 of 3: Growing in Christ
Please begin by answering this question honestly in your own words.
Think back to the last argument that really got under your skin. Not the biggest one, the one that stung. What exactly were you defending?
Proverbs 13:10
By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.
Read it twice. Notice what the verse does not say: it does not say strife comes from difficult people, unfair treatment or bad circumstances.
The central idea of this lesson
Strife has only one root, and it is not what happens to you; it is self sitting at the centre of your life. Peace begins where self is dethroned and Christ is Lord.
Every quarrel feels like it is about something: money, tone of voice, being overlooked, being wronged. This lesson makes an uncomfortable claim from Scripture: beneath every one of those triggers sits a single root, and it lives in us, not in our circumstances.
Proverbs 13:10
By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.
Pride here is not merely arrogance or boasting. It is the habit of standing at the centre of your own world and measuring every situation by how it affects you. From that position, every slight becomes an attack and every disagreement becomes a threat, because the self on the throne must be defended.
Caution
Low self-esteem is not the opposite of pride; it is the same self-centredness seen from the other side. Whether self is inflated or deflated, it is still the thing being stared at. The cure for both is not a better opinion of yourself but a smaller preoccupation with yourself.
Proverbs 17:14
The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.
Mark 9:33–35
Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, "What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?" But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, "If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."
The disciples went silent because they knew. The argument had felt important on the road; in the presence of Jesus it was suddenly embarrassing. Notice that Jesus does not rebuke the desire to be great. He redefines greatness entirely: it is measured by the direction you face, toward others or toward yourself.
Note
The same argument breaks out again at the Last Supper (Luke 22:24–27), hours before the cross. Jesus ends it with His own self-description: "Yet I am among you as the One who serves." If the Lord of glory took the serving position, no follower of His can claim the centre.
Numbers 12:2–3
So they said, "Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?" And the LORD heard it. (Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.)
Miriam and Aaron criticise Moses publicly, and the man Scripture calls the most humble on the face of the earth does not defend himself. God defends him, and Moses ends up interceding for his critics. Humility is not weakness or a poor self-image; it is freedom from self-reference. Moses could absorb criticism without strife because his identity was not the thing under attack.
Going Deeper
Meekness in Scripture is strength under God's hand, never spinelessness. Moses confronted Pharaoh and shattered idols; what he refused to do was fight for his own reputation. The self-centred person cannot tell the difference between defending the truth and defending themselves. The humble person can.
Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
The gospel answer to self-centredness is not self-improvement but a death and a replacement. The believer's old self has already been dealt with at the cross; strife loses its fuel when we live from that fact rather than fighting to protect a self God has already crucified and re-created in Christ.
Matthew 7:12
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Practical Tip
In your next disagreement, before you respond, ask one question silently: what am I defending right now? If the honest answer is self, Proverbs 17:14 applies. Stop the water before the dam breaks.
Work through these on your own before your group meets. Type your answers directly into the table below. Your answers are saved automatically in your browser.
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| Question | My Answer | Group Discussion Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Proverbs 13:10 locates the source of strife in pride alone. Where do you usually locate it when you are in the middle of one? | ||
| The disciples went silent when Jesus asked what they had argued about (Mark 9:33–34). Which of your recent arguments would you least want Jesus to ask about, and what does that silence tell you? | ||
| When Moses was criticised he did not defend himself (Numbers 12:2–3). What do you defend first when criticised, and why that particular thing? | ||
| If the old self has been crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20), what exactly comes back to life in the moment you take offence? | ||
| Think of one person you are currently in tension with. Applying Matthew 7:12, what would you want from you if you were them? |
These questions are designed for open conversation at any level of experience. There are no trick questions and no single correct answer.
Self-centredness is not defeated by trying harder to be nice; it is displaced by a bigger centre. Consider how a dethroned self changes each of these areas.
| Context | How I Apply This |
|---|---|
| Personal life | In your next disagreement, pause before replying and ask silently: what am I defending right now? If the answer is self, choose to lay it down. Memorise Proverbs 13:10 this week so the diagnosis is always to hand: "By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom." |
| Church community | Serve someone this week who cannot repay you and whom you find difficult, deliberately and without mentioning it to anyone. Agape service done in secret starves self-centredness of the recognition it feeds on. |
| Difficult seasons | When criticism comes, follow Moses rather than instinct: refuse to rush to your own defence, and let God defend you. Read Luke 22:24–27 each morning this week; it takes under a minute and resets which way you are facing. |
Tap each card to reveal the answer.
What is the sole source of strife?
Proverbs 13:10
"By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom."
Proverbs 13:10
How did Jesus redefine greatness on the road to Capernaum?
Mark 9:35
"If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."
Mark 9:35
How did Moses respond to public criticism?
Numbers 12:2–3
He did not defend himself; God defended him, and Moses interceded for his critics. Scripture calls him more humble than all men on the face of the earth.
What has happened to the believer's old self?
Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
Galatians 2:20
What is the everyday antidote to self-centredness?
Matthew 7:12
"Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."
Matthew 7:12
When should contention be stopped?
Proverbs 17:14
"The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts."
Proverbs 17:14